Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
