so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
