Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
