She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Someone came in the potted fern
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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