Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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