Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
