8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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