i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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