Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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