I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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