I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
