i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
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