I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
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It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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