I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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