hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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