apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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