The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
