who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
