a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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