At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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