We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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