Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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