That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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