I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
