Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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