Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
