I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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