you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
