You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
How's work?
Spinning.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
