I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
