Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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