why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
