ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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