mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
