Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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