11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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