im six kinds of drunk right now
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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