I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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