So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This gyro tastes like lonliness
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
