Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh god the rape fog is back!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
