are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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