I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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