If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
