he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
