I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have already put on my inside pants.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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