There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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