You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
