Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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