tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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