My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
