Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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