I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
