my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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