I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
