Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
