what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
