Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
