Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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