True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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