im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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