how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize