I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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