why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
