i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Boobs speak an international language.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
