Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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