The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
