His hands were made for my vagina.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
