he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
