I met the friendliest cop last night
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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