I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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