Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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