a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
