i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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