Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
