apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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