my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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