Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
