i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm just crazy horny about you
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
