my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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